Rev. (Mrs) Prof. Christie Fagbamiye and her husband, Rev. Engr. Oluwamuyemi Fagbamiye are Senior Pastors/General Overseers of Redemption Faith Mission, Festac Town, Lagos. During their recent 50th wedding anniversary, they shared with EJIKEME OMENAZU the secrets behind their blissful marriage. Excerpt:
Congratulations on your 50th wedding anniversary.
Thank you very much (sings).
How would you describe this milestone celebration of 50 years together as a couple?
Wife: It is by God’s abundant grace. He has always been there for us. Ours has not been a story of constant strife, lack of peace, or lack of provision because God has been good to us.
How did you overcome the challenges and trials of over 50 years of marriage?
Wife: Our major secret is prayer. I gave my life to Christ and my husband never opposed it. We pray together. All my assignments and ministerial engagements are for God; he is aware of them and fully supports me. We have always stood together, and I have always enjoyed the move of God in our marriage. Even when challenges arise, we prayerfully overcome them as though they never existed. We walk over them, and God has been faithful to us.
How would you describe your marital journey of over 50 years?
Husband: It has been a beautiful journey of God’s grace. To God’s glory and honour, we have been able to stand firm because I love my wife for who she is – a prayer warrior who believes in the efficacy of prayer over any problem, however difficult. We always come together, joining hands to pray, and God has always answered. In 1 Corinthians 13:7, the four pillars of love are that love bears all things, endures all things, believes all things, and hopes all things. On that foundation, we have been able to come this far, and God will not leave us; He will see us through.
Was there ever a moment you felt angry or fed up with the marriage?
Husband: Nothing like that ever crossed my mind. Nothing happened that would make me want to leave my marriage. It never occurred because my wife is tolerant. Even when we had four people living with us – three from my side and one from her side – everyone was happy. I have no regrets marrying her, much less being fed up with our marriage.
What was it like marrying a career woman and a minister of the gospel?
Husband: We are both career people – engineers by profession, but in different fields. She was always on site, and I was always on site. But, all things work together for good for those who trust in God. Concerning her ministerial calling, I was the first person she told when God called her and I asked in surprise, “God called you?” Then, I said, “It is good that God called you; we will sit in the congregation to listen to you preach.” She later attended Bible College and graduated and was ordained a Reverend. The following year, I enrolled in the same Bible College.
If given another opportunity, would you marry your wife again?
Husband: Yes, I don’t have a better option. Marriage is an institution. There are times you sit to evaluate and discuss issues – not to quarrel, but for understanding. Until one is laid to rest, you cannot finish the school of marriage. It is an institution you enter and never receive a certificate of graduation. You continue learning because out of it, your children and neighbours are learning the process. When people make reference to you, they are learning from the process. That is part of what you learn in marriage. It is a school that never ends – a school of character molding, a school to love, for better or for worse. You have to love and mould lives.
With the present state of marriages, what is the missing link between your time and now?
Wife: Lack of understanding of genuine love. There are more resources now than in our time. People have money, big jobs, cars, and are well-to-do, but they lack knowledge of true love. At the slightest provocation between couples today, they say, “I will throw you out.” Truth is, these days when people plan to get married, they also plan for what may eventually happen in the marriage – which was never the case in our time. From my experience in marriage counselling, I realised that many people today only plan for the wedding ceremony; they are not prepared for the marriage itself and are not ready to settle down to build a home or family. Most ladies believe the man must carry the entire burden until he is tired and worn out, while most men believe women are just glorified maids in the house. In those days, when you present someone to your family, your parents would investigate the person’s background and the family they came from. Today, there is little or no investigation before marriage – that is, if the lady is not already pregnant before being presented to the family. There is little value for marriage in this generation and the majority of young men have no respect for women. They want a wife as a housemaid because they do not truly know what love is, and this is affecting the institution of marriage and the building of homes.
Why are there an increase in domestic violence, marital crises, and broken homes in today’s marriages?
Husband: The present generation is different from ours because, as my wife said. In our time, you could not just meet someone somewhere and claim you were married without parental knowledge and scrutiny of the person’s background – to know if such a person comes from a background of thieves or vagabonds. Even if they profess to be Christian, how genuine is their Christian background? But today, you find that even in the church, people get married without proper guidance. The missing link is the lack of scrutiny, guidance, and counselling that will sustain the union. No matter how you manage it without that foundation, it becomes crisis-oriented, leading to break-up because of no foundational structure.
Was there any memorable moment you can recall in your over 50 years of marriage?
Husband: All the days and years of our marriage have been interesting. But one that stands out was the day we needed to make a payment for one of our children who had been admitted into college. At the time, my wife was in charge of the church funds. I asked her to lend me part of the money and promised to refund it at month end. But, she refused and I left for my office. Before I returned, she had paid the money. I was surprised.
Could you share your most memorable moments during the 50 years of marriage?
Wife: From my way of life and mode of dressing, I initially had challenges with my in-laws, who complained about what I did or did not wear. They thought I would be angry, but we eventually became close friends. To the glory of God, all the people who lived with us turned out to be ministers of God, and those who did not become ministers became prominent Christians in their local churches. Today, they are all serving God one way or another, including one who married a Muslim – the husband is now a Church deacon. Those are memorable moments that give me joy – how God used me to transform lives in my marriage. There were about 15 people in my house and I would cook for them without complaining about spending too much, and everyone ate happily. It did not bother me that people were eating my food. Food is meant to be shared; that is my way of life. It is not every time the man will have money to give. That is why it is good for every woman to also work hard, but not at the expense of her home or by disrespecting her husband. I have always praised God for my marriage. One of my children, precisely my last born, was said to have an umbilical hernia and we were told to take him to the hospital for an operation. I told my husband, “They say this boy needs an operation, but my child is not meant for any operation,” and he agreed with me and we prayed over it. The Bible says if two shall agree concerning an issue, then God will consent to it. Till today, he never had the operation and is now married with a child.
As a matriarch, what advice do you have for the present generation on marriage?
Wife: The present and next generation should be content with whatever they have and not look outside for solutions to their problems, because there is no one without a problem. Problems will go away when you genuinely call on God and you don’t have to leave the marriage. It isn’t worth it because outside, there is nothing better you can get. If the present generation can come from homes with good training where they pray together, they will be tolerant enough to build a home, because the family that learns to pray together, stays together. That has been my prerogative – ensuring my family prays together. If my brother-in-law or father-in-law comes visiting at any time, they are welcome. But, we are going to pray together.
What advice do you have for men?
Husband: They should be tolerant, prayerful, and believe in God to solve their problems. When two people come together, they should pray together and their marriage will last longer with happiness.
What is your advice to couples who compete with one another in their careers?
Husband: Couples who do that lack godly wisdom, because God gave us different gifts. You cannot say, “I should be better than my wife,” or “My wife cannot be better than me.” Everyone has a unique gift from God. If by chance your wife is a bit more knowledgeable than you, accept it and appreciate God in her for that. My wife is an Electrical Engineer, and I am a Mechanical Engineer. Most times when I try to do some electrical work in the house, she will say, “That is not how to do it. Do it this way,” and I will follow her direction. The gift God gave us is different and you cannot query God. All we have to do is respect one another, appreciate one another, and accept one another to make the best of one another.
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